A Quest for Meaning

Why do we live? We exist because our parents decided to have us. But why do we live? 

I am always astonished to find that over the course of existential explorations spanning centuries, we have not been able to discern why it is that we choose every day to live. 

We choose to continue going every day. In fact when faced with death, we still want to fight. Some lose their wills along the way. That I can somehow understand. What does surprise me is how humans can encounter unencumbered loss and still decide that even after all of this, life goes on. What is it to live?

It is a hell of a lot easier to answer the question of why we die. But why we live has no clear answers. This is because death in its finality can confer meaning upon itself. But life itself is a little confused surrounding its own meaning. In a simple way, perhaps we might say we live because it is the way of the world. And perhaps it is foolish to question why. A naturalist will point to evolution and tell us how monkeys live but do not question why they do so. But I am not asking the question of why we survive. There is a difference between surviving and living. The animal kingdom does not so much live as it does survive. Living is different in that it is a uniquely human experience. We have evolved in ways to think beyond our survival and the crux of life and living are questions surrounding meaning. 

Oscar Wilde once made the astute observation that most people simply exist without ever living. So I ask the rare ones who do live- what is it to do that? 

My explorations into this are not novel. Philosophers have been doing this for a long time. 

In line with my wonder, Albert Camus once reflected that, The literal meaning of life is whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself.

Philosophers have made these observations in a much more sophisticated and detailed manner for a long time. In my time as a student, I was able to understand a range of different existential theories who tried to answer my quest and search for meaning. 

A History of Existential Thought

There are a number of existential theories surrounding meaning and you can have your pick on any of them. There is the ever so popular among angsty individuals who believe in nihilism: that life has no meaning and it is a fool’s errand to ascribe meaning to a meaningless existence. There is a level of pessimism to nihilism that does not exist in other philosophies. Nihilism looks at existence as inherently empty and that what we do in this existence does not matter in the grand scheme of things.  In his famous aphorisms, Nietzche reflected that, “To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.” This aligns with the existential philosophies of his predecessors Kant and Schopenhaur. This understanding of life goes beyond Western Philosophy and is an integral aspect of Buddhist ideologies.

This absence of absolute meaning can become disconcerting, especially from a purely nihilistic perspective. Absurdism is born out of the same pattern of thoughts, focused on absence of meaning in living. But absurdism takes an optimistic take on this theory. Since nothing one does holds meaning, life can be enjoyed and lived as an experience without pondering too much over its outcomes. Camus endorsed this perspective, looking at lack of meaning as means of infusing life with lightness. Whatever it takes for you to live, do it.

People find meaning in different ways. I sometimes envy the individuals who can depend on their theistic existentialism. For the theistics, their faith provides meaning and an overarching belief that ultimately, the universe has some meaning. They believe in a cosmic design of sorts — that everything happens for a reason and we are not in a position to question this. Only to accept and move on. There is a level of comfort that one can take in this belief. That perhaps we are part of a larger paradigm, one which we do not know much about. All we know is that this is the existence we have, provided to us and we must play our part. This often reminds me of the poem in Shakespeare’s As You Like It, “All the world’s a stage, and we must all play part in it.” In times of despondence, I sometimes come to this take on meaning. And while I am not wholly sold on it, it does provide me with solace and helps me accept my situation. 

But it is atheistic existentialism that has my attention the most. I view it as one of the most interesting of all philosophies on meaning. It agrees with nihilism and absurdism that there is no inherent meaning in the nature of living. But it still places value on individual meaning. Jean Paul Sartre in his quest to defend individual choices and freedoms perhaps describes this best: “Life has no meaning a priori… It is up to you to give it a meaning, and value is nothing but the meaning that you choose.” But the contradiction is, most of us have no idea what meaning means to us. It is unto us to derive, drive, and designate meaning into our own lives. But what do we know? And how? 

Meaning And Existence

There is something to be said about living. Perhaps we might say we live in order to find meaning in a meaningless existence. The drive for meaning is what follows our drive to survive. When we have our basic needs met, it is then that one may begin to question meaning, purpose, existence. Perhaps this quest of meaning is another branch of our survival instincts. It keeps us alive in the absence of primal survival instincts. 

The question now arises, even when people have had their needs met — Why is the pursuit of meaning so underseeded in our 21st century existence? 

Is Wilde right? I wonder how many of us merely exist. My observations lead me to believe that there are more than I would like to believe. In our 21st century existence, with so many options, so many opinions, and so much noise — what does the pursuit of meaning look like? 

Moreover, in a world that values the pursuit of success in absolute terms, where does meaning and purpose stand? From a young age, we have been fed a narrative pre mandated by our communities. A narrative of what makes life good, a narrative of what makes life meaningful. That a good life consists of a set amount of ingredients, and without them, it is not much of a life. A good degree, a good job, a good spouse, a good family, good health, good house. A good life.

But is this all there is? And once you have what you want, then what? Do you shift your goals to a bigger house, a bigger car?  This cannot be it. This cannot be all there is to living. I refuse to believe this is all there is. Because if it is, Albert Camus was wrong. If this was it, wouldn't we all want to plunge to our own ends?

Perhaps we should concur with the wisdom of our ancestors who pondered over the meaning of life and decided that the most meaningful and best life is one which fulfills the aforementioned priorities. But if meaning is independently pursued, wouldn't what comprises a meaningful existence also be an independent exploration? And if we are simply following what is already ascribed we really are existing. If we believe the existentialists, it is not. It is following what is known, without trying to understand what is right. What our present existence pushes is not an individual search for meaning, but rather a collective pursuit of security and success.

Is this living? Is this a meaningful life?  

I wonder why we reward those for pursuing what we think is a “good life” and why we are so afraid of the people who will forge their own paths, to create their own definitions of meaning. Why do we reward existence, why do we punish life? 

Yours Truly,