I’m Sorry — We Can’t Be Best Friends

Dear Readers,

Have you resented a friend for being luckier than you, happier than you? I came to the horrible realization of late that most of my best friends are not single. Most are in long-term relationships. In fact, I am surrounded by very happy couples. Smug looking couples always feeling bad for me as they revel in the lottery that is a secure romantic relationships. They offer affirmations, advice. They offer sympathies.

I do not need words of affirmation or advice. I need single friends.

Sometimes our emotions can be a real pain and get the better of us. My story involves my struggles with relationships which contrast sharply with my friends’ seemingly effortless happiness. While my friends work hard in their unions, they haven't encountered the relentless rejection that characterizes today's dating landscape. Or the rejections that loom over my own dating history. My feelings have grown so intense that I've distanced myself from significant people, including one dear friend, Renee.

Renee and I had been inseparable ever since we saw each other in school. It was love at first sight. We were so young but even then we knew that we were going to be best friends.

I had best friends before, but no one like Renee. It was like we complemented each other in every way. She was an introvert, I was an extrovert. She liked to listen, I liked to talk. She had quite confidence, I had obnoxious ego. However, as we entered college, our paths diverged. While I stumbled through turbulent relationships, Renee found love effortlessly. Her ease in finding a partner without the trials of dating apps or heartbreak left me feeling isolated and unable to share my own struggles with her.

I am almost embarrassed at how petulant my feelings on this matter are but they need to be said out loud regardless. Once people find their happy unions, something changes. It is some kind of a crossover, difficult to verbalize. It feels like there is an invisible boundary between being single and coupled. And once a friend is in once, you’re the “others.” And it gets worse with age.

It is challenging to maintain a friendship with someone who hasn't experienced the trials of modern dating, where rejection and disappointments abound. I value diverse life experiences among friends, but I can't help but resent the ease with which Renee seemed to find love while I had navigate the labyrinth of modern romance.

Modern dating can be traumatizing for your self-esteem and outright dangerous for women in the online ecosystem. There is also a Sisyphean nature to them wherein you keep repeating the same efforts only to end up right back where you were several times. I know there is more to women’s lives and their conversations than love and relationships. But love and relationships still make up a part of our discourse.

Renee and I always bonded on our mutual ideas of grand loves. We even told each other how we would be our forever if we never find the person(s) to fulfill these ideas. But today, she has moved on tryin to live out these dreams leaving me alone. When I speak with her about love, I feel alienated and pitied. I am sure it would not be easy for her either. She knows how I feel and often practices restraint communicating major milestones.

As I talk about disappointing, dangerous, and sometimes devastating stories of modern dating, you can see the relief wash over her face. This is immediately followed by pity and it makes me feel small. It disengages me from further conversation and it bums me out when she mentions how lucky she is to never have had to go through any of it. Perhaps I just want my friends to suffer like I have? I do not know what that makes me.

In 2024, many of us are still on the same sucky apps because we are all still looking for love. But there are people who have never had to do any of it, for love found them. And that’s great for them, but you cannot help but think that there is some cosmic unfairness within it all. I don’t want my friends to pity me and keep their relationship milestones from me. But I also don’t want them to tell me?\

I still love Renee and I hope I am able to get over my resentment someday. I wish I could be happier for her, I truly do. If I did, perhaps we could have still been best friends who told each other everything. But for now, dear Renee, I need someone who is single who understands me. Plus, you have your boyfriend.

Thank you readers.

Yours Truly,
Tinderella